Lightning Get A Kick In The Nuts From Bruins, Melrose, Their Own Goalie

What a day to be associated with the Tampa Bay Lightning.

First, Radim Vrbata leaves town after more or less saying that his career with the Lightning is causing him psychological distress.

Then, Barry Melrose publicly excoriates everyone from Len Barrie to Steve Stamkos. This guy is pissed about being a scapegoat, and is not afraid to say so. Furthermore he is a media professional, and therefore knows what to say if he wants to make headlines without setting off lawsuits or suspensions (Sean Avery, are you listening?).

Then, Vinny Lecavalier is forced to "lead" his team while sporting a first-class shiner on his left eye... courtesy of the notorious brawler Jochen Hecht. For the record, Hecht gave up 3 inches and 20 pounds in that matchup. He has had 4 fights in his 8 seasons, compared to Lecavalier's 18 fights in 9 seasons. Nice, Vinny.

Then, the Lightning get absolutely whipped by the Bruins. Yes, it was a 1-goal game with 17 seconds left. But the game confirmed that the Lightning are no longer a competitive team -- they looked timid, confused, psychologically broken. They are in a doormat death-spiral, when they ought to have been jostling for playoff positioning by now. If not for the Bruins' blink-of-an-eye 3-0 lead, which pretty much sucked the energy out of the contest, Boston might have won this game by 6 or 7 goals.

To top it off, goalie Mike Smith ripped his teammates after the game... offering the possibility that they might just be a "dumb team". Meanwhile, on the other side of the locker room, Rick Tocchet suggested he might dress only 8 skaters in the future. This is all eerily reminiscent of the Dallas Stars' locker-room implosion after they faced the Bruins last month... is Claude Julien using psychological warfare to crush the spirits of his opponents? Stay tuned.

What does all of this mean for the rest of us? First of all, it confirms that playoff berths must be earned, not bought. Tampa seems to have even less chemistry than last year's Sens and this year's Stars. Turns out there's a difference between building a Stanley Cup champion and casting for a bad horror flick.

But more importantly, it effectively takes the Lightning off the map for the rest of the season. It's inconceivable that, even given an entire season to try and turn things around, this team could get it together and make a run at the 8-seed. Sooooo... time to start thinking "fire sale" when you think of Tampa.

The Lightning have a slew of vets on contract for-this-year-only, including: Gary Roberts ($2.4m), Mark Recchi ($1.5m), Chris Gratton ($1.25m), Marek Malik ($1.25m), and Olie Kolzig ($2.5m). If this franchise has any common sense at all, it will unload all of the above before the trade deadline for draft picks and prospects. This would clear a large amount of cap space and allow Tampa to begin a true rebuild -- presumably with another #1 pick this summer.

But, like a star dying, a Lightning implosion/rebuild might affect the entire solar system. Roberts and Recchi could offer veteran leadership for young contenders like Boston and Chicago. Kolzig might conjure up one last run at glory for a desperate bubble team like Edmonton or New Jersey. Chris Gratton is as adept as anyone in the league at filling a jersey and collecting a paycheck, but might be willing to chip in some secondary scoring if asked nicely.

[update: Never mind about Gratton. He was placed on waivers, a pretty sure sign that he no longer carries trade value.]

Keep an eye on these guys as we get closer to the deadline... it's not like they've been afraid to pull the trigger in the past.

This Year's Senators: The Dallas Stars

Ah, Dallas. Longtime home to some of professional sports' biggest douchebags: Michael Irvin, Ed Belfour, George W. Bush. A city that has shamelessly associated itself with both Terrell Owens and Sean Avery this autumn.

So perhaps we should not be shocked to see both the Stars and Cowboys imploding before we've even finished off the crappy hard candy that old folks give out on Halloween. Verily, the prideful shall be smited.

As they say, everything's bigger in Texas. Hats are bigger. Breast implants are bigger. And pro-sports meltdowns are a LOT bigger.

Case in point: the Dallas Stars are on the verge of a trainwreck not seen since the Great Senators Implosion of Aught-Seven. We knew something was awry when the Stars, fresh off a semi-finals appearance and stocked with new talent, muddled through a 1-5-1 preseason. Serious injuries to Sergei Zubov and Jere Lehtinen added a little fuel to that suspicion. But our spider-sense really started tingling when they dropped decisions to the likes of Columbus, Nashville, St. Louis and Colorado in the first 8 days of the regular season.

Until this week, it seemed that the Stars might be suffering from some early-season hiccups, the sort of thing that works itself out after a few tough bonding experiences on the road. Boy, were we ever wrong.

After getting steamrolled in Chicago, Avery & Co. arrived in Boston Saturday evening with all the composure of Bob Probert after a long night Vegas. Throughout the game, hardly 10 minutes of play would pass in between pugilistic sideshows, most of which precipitated from dangerous hits by Avery and henchman Steve Ott. What began as a decent contest quickly became a rout, as the Bruins reponded first physically and then with a 3-goal outburst in the final period as the Stars simply fell apart in all areas of the game.

All that is bad enough for Dallas fans, but it's what came next that really stings. First, franchise player and assistant captain Mike Modano on the team's style of play:

Tonight, it was idiotic and stupid. It was one of the most embarrassing things I've
seen. If that's what we're going for, then they need to find me an office job.

It was dumb penalties, dumb situations, that's kind of been the trend all season. There's no mental toughness. We're allowing the refs to get involved in the game with and spending more energy on them than the details of winning the game.

Then, goalie Marty Turco offers this evaluation, moments after ripping his teammates for poor defensive play (and naming names in the process, always a popular move from a guy who is near the bottom of the league in every measure of his game):

You come into a tough game and a tough building, after a night like last night, think it's all going to come out of us, get some guys out of our shell, total opposite. It's sad, it's embarrassing. There's no sugarcoating anything anymore. We're in a rut that I haven't seen in a long time. It' going to not just be a couple days that are going to get us through it.

Naturally, GM Brett Hull chips in:

I've lost my patience. These players either need to kick themselves in the ass, or they need someone else to do it for them, but it's going to happen.

Finally, coach Dave Tippett gives us a little preview of things to come:

This week, with the long break, there’s going to be lots of evaluation going on. You can take that however you want.

Yikes.

These are not the words of a team that is prepared to bounce back from a sub-.500 start. They are not the words of a team prepared to go into both Anaheim and San Jose for grudge-match divisional games later this week. And they certainly aren't what you expect to hear from a team that will finish the season without a major shakeup.

Put 'em in your death pool, folks; things are about to get ugly in Dallas. Teams stocked with douchebags like Avery, Ribeiro and Modano (and for that matter, managed by Brett Hull) will only stand for so much strain in the locker room. The only question is whether this team will make it to the New Year before the bottom falls out and Avery starts granting interviews while doing sit-ups in his driveway. In any case, it's now a matter of damage control as the Stars have clearly lost their sense of chemistry and frankly don't seem to like each other on a personal level. This isn't just a recipe for a bad season, it's a blueprint for becoming a long-term "rebuilding" project almost overnight.

And it couldn't happen to a better bunch of guys.