The 10 Worst Plays Of The Past 10 Years

Sometimes your team makes a play that transcends badness and breaches the realm of comedy. We've seen some real doozies this year -- Scott Hartnell's glove throw, Ryan O'Byrne's own-goal, Barry Melrose's coaching career. It got me thinking, and we all know what happens when I start thinking: a top-10 list.

10) Wideman shootout topple



I hate to throw Wides under the bus, but this was ridiculous. This is funnier than 90% of prime-time network sitcoms.

9) Toskala 175' goal



It's a minor miracle Toskala's reputation recovered (sort of) after this one; Dan Cloutier wasn't so lucky. To the best of my knowledge this is the longest goal in NHL history against a guarded net. The only reason it isn't higher on the list is because the puck did bounce a little on the way to the net, which can be challenging for a world-class goaltender. Especially when he has several seconds of advance warning to prepare himself.

8) Conklin's Finals nightmare



This one is exceptional because of its magnitude. The last minute of a tied Finals game is no time for tomfoolery behind the net. Conklin should have consulted Grant Fuhr re: staying the hell in the net during the playoffs.

7) O'Byrne shoots and scores



There were a lot of own-goals in consideration for this list, but most did not qualify for reasons of compassion. Everyone makes mistakes occasionally. For every 1,000 bouncing pucks in front of the net, one might be accidentally knocked in by a defenseman. For every 1,000 passes during a delayed penalty, one will squirt away and go dead-on into the empty net. It's understandable. But what distinguishes O'Byrne's play was that it was an intentional pass, not a mistake. It simply did not cross his mind that the goaltender might not be in a position to receive a blind pass at that very moment -- unfortunate, because Price was 40 feet away at the bench.

6) Hartnell glove throw



The inspiration behind this list. We will never know what was going through Scott Hartnell's mind at this moment. Did he think he was being clever? Did he think he was going to get away with it? Did it just smell that bad?

5) Kovalev Oscar clip



For many fans, this was the defining moment in Alexei Kovalev's career. Faking an injury is against the moral code of hockey. Faking it in the playoffs, at center ice, during an offensive rush, and floating around shaking your hand afterward, and screening your own backchecker out of the play because you're not paying attention to anything other than your own selfish need to have your boo-boo recognized, thus allowing the opponent to score, thus leading to a double-OT defeat... that's an affront to the Hockey Gods. Only the '04 Bruins could have failed to put away a team with that sort of 'leadership'.

4) Phaneuf drops the gloves, his ass



So many things went wrong on this play. First, Phaneuf manages to get leveled by the most annoying player in the Western Conference at the time. Then he misinterprets Ruutu's yapping as an overture to fight; Dion's gloves have barely touched the ice when Ruutu's butt touches the bench. Then, naturally, Phaneuf falls flat on his ass at the very moment that everyone in the hockey world is paying attention. But worst of all is the humiliation of having to pick up his gloves right in front of the Vancouver bench, one of which fell right in front of Ruutu. Imagine if Ruutu had been mike'd for THAT one. Finally, the refs really could've called him for unsportsmanlike conduct... if they wanted to really rub his nose in it.

3) Statue of Liberty



This was the precise moment when Patrick Roy's legacy began to fade. He had made a career and a legend out of his unique combination of arrogance and "money" play. So it was arresting to see him, with less than a minute to go in the first period of an elimination game against the arch-rival Wings, mindlessly waving his glove over his head as Brendan Shanahan scored the game-winner.

2) Patrik Stefan's career microcosm



Buckner. Webber. Norwood. Some players make a single mistake that overshadows an outstanding career. But Patrik Stefan didn't even have a track record to fall back on -- the biggest draft bust of the millenium also happened to play the starring role in what is arguably the worst play in the history of the sport.

"Grandad, can we watch a highlight of you back when you played in the NHL?"
"No."

1) Elisha Cuthbert



'Nuff said.

Sean Avery Is A Stain On The Compression Shorts Of The NHL

I don't really need to introduce the topic, because you've already been thinking about it for the past 24 hours. So let's just skip all the chit-chat and get down to business.

Sean Avery's indefinite suspension is absolutely, unequivocally the correct judgment by Gary Bettman.

Yeah, I said it. Bettman got one right. And you know what? I will still respect myself in the morning.

There's been an opinion-flood of Biblical proportions in the blogosphere as everyone dogpiles onto this topic. So I'm just going to go through and cherry-pick a few arguments that I ain't buyin', and then explain my stance at the bottom of the post. If you don't care what others have to say on the topic, because I am your sole and unquestioned authority on world affairs, feel free to skip to the bottom now.

Still with me? Ok, let's get started.

Hockey guru PuckDaddy sez:
In the end, suspending Avery proves Avery correct that this League is disinterested in creating a compelling product to which fans want to pay attention.

Which "fans" are we talking about? Is a 6-year-old Stars fan going to become more engaged, or less, with his team based on this incident? To be certain, the Sportscenter/American-Mainstream-Media crowd will suddenly become more interested in our little niche sport if there are a bunch of smack-talking sideshows involved. The Calgary/Dallas game will surely have a larger contingent of shitfaced meatheads cheering for blood.

But frankly I think the NHL can do a little better than selling that type of product.

The Forechecker chips in:
If Avery gets more than a single game suspension out of this, the NHLPA should call the league out on the carpet for prioritizing PR above player safety.

Undoubtedly so, and this should be a major talking point in the disciplinary reform that the league needs so badly. Nevertheless, as far as we know at this time Avery will get only a single game suspension. "Indefinitely" in this case translates to "until we can review and make a decision".

Going Five Hole writes:
Sometimes you need a little controversy to intrigue the casual fan and even the hardcore fan at times.

Brett Hull's toe in the crease is a controversy. The instigator penalty is a controversy. But this conversation is not about a controversy, because it is a clear case of right and wrong -- there is no rational way to argue that Avery should be allowed to hold press conferences in order to launch slurs at another player's girlfriend without the league intervening. The question in this case is simply the degree of punishment.

Interchangeable Parts:
You can get suspended in the NHL for saying “sloppy seconds”? And they call the NFL the “no fun league”.

Prior to this incident, the hot topic in the hockeyblogosphere was a spat between fans of the NBA and NHL over which currently has the most fan support. The thrust of that argument was that the NBA has seen a sharp dropoff in support compared to the NHL's gains -- largely driven by the emergence of respectable young stars like Crosby and Kane in the NHL, at the same time the NBA is trying to rein in petulant prima donnas like Iverson and Marbury.

So I have a very hard time believing that the NHL would be wise to put itself in line with other pro leagues by turning its media into a sounding chamber for overpaid, underperforming players to stir up self-serving scandals. Leave that "fun" to other sports.

Puckupdate:
Is that term any more offensive than Michael Nylander dropping the s-bomb on national TV in the middle of the day? Or are we supposed to believe the NHL is suddenly concerned about players portraying women as possessions?

This misses the point entirely. The slur alone is one thing -- we have already seen Avery do worse by calling Georges Laraque a "monkey", not to mention his Franco-phobic comments about Denis Gauthier. The issue here isn't only what was said, but the deliberate and contrived way in which it was delivered. There's a big difference between an ad lib and a prepared statement.

Battle of California thoughtfully considers:
I think it's a dangerous path to discourage personality in front of the microphone without any specific guidelines, and we're probably in for a blander NHL as a result (though in fairness, we were probably in for that anyway).

While I agree that specific guidelines would be welcome, we'd be underestimating the players' intelligence to suggest that they don't understand the notion of "detrimental to the league". I would much rather see the league take the dangerous path of discouraging Avery's behavior, at the risk of becoming too bland, than take the even more dangerous path of letting it go unchecked by the commissioner, and therefore become a media circus with egotists like Avery as the ringleaders.

My thoughts on how Bettman got it right:

For starters, the league had to step in and keep Avery off the ice last night. There are two overwhelmingly strong arguments for doing so:

1) Under no circumstances can a player exploit the media for nefarious purposes without a league response. This is even more important when insulting a member of the general public, as opposed to simply calling out a fellow player, because it opens up all sorts of legal issues. Regardless of what the Stars may choose to do internally, it's imperative that the league keep a tight rein on this sort of situation.

2) There was no reason for the league to reward Avery by allowing him to drag Phaneuf (and, let us not forget, Iginla) into a potential game-misconduct situation. Imagine if Phaneuf had chased Avery to his locker room Mair-style... that would put the league in an absurd situation when trying to decide on appropriate suspensions. Considering Phaneuf and Iginla are the pillars of Calgary's playoff hopes, putting Avery on the ice could have put Calgary in a position to sink their entire season while pursuing personal vendettas. That would be unacceptable.

Bettman has to look at the big picture when making these decisions. In this case, the personal rivalry between Phaneuf and Avery is part of the little picture. Even Avery's personal history, which certainly weighs in on the subject, is little-picture material.

The big picture is that we've got a case of a player undermining the league itself. Avery knew what rules he was breaking when he decided to hold his "press conference", and knew that suspension was likely. He took a calculated gamble that the suspension would be short and that the media fallout would be worth his while. The NHL must call that sort of bluff, or risk losing its authority over its own players. If you don't think it can happen in the blink of an eye, take a look at Terrell Owens or Allen Iverson... putting on kid-gloves with these egomaniacs simply doesn't work.

If Bettman delegates Avery's discipline to the Stars, if he provides nothing but a passive shrug of the shoulders and wiping of the hands, we would see the floodgates open wide with Avery-type players. Every cellar-dwelling team with nothing to lose would have to deal with this sort of unprofessional, undisciplined misconduct from its Roenicks and Hulls. Bettman sent a clear message to not only Avery but the rest of the players in the league -- you are here to play good hockey, represent your franchise as a professional, and sell tickets. If you want to be a media sideshow, start practicing your layups.

Bruins vs. Flames: Stuff To Look Out For

- Streaks: Boston and Calgary both enter the game on winning streaks -- four straight dubyas for the Flames, three for the Bruins. Also, both teams carry a significant shutout streak -- 5 periods for Calgary, 6 for Boston. If this isn't a setup for a 0-0 shootout, I don't know what is.

- Motivation: Both teams play in tight divisional races, in which every point is crucial. When playing a non-conference opponent in such circumstances, teams tend to lock it down and play for the OT point. Again, if this isn't a setup for a 0-0 shootout...

- A Relief: Calgary hasn't gone to a shootout yet this season. The Bruins haven't won a shootout in 3 tries.

- No Relief: Tim Thomas gets the third straight start, suggesting Claude Julien isn't exactly "rotating" goalies any more. The ball will be squarely in Manny Fernandez's court to match Thomas' hot streak once he gets the chance. Meanwhile, the Kipper has played every game for the Flames and doesn't look like he's getting a break tonight.

- Massive Hits: Phaneuf. Chara. Iginla. Lucic. Break out the seismograph.

- Special Teams: The Bruins and Flames are #9 and #10, respectively, in PP production. Calgary is 9th on the PK, whereas the Bruins are 29th but have killed 7 straight after a slow start. Calgary is 6th in PP opportunities against, Boston is 20th. This all adds up to: don't take dumb penalties.
BONUS STAT: Bruin 4th-liner Petteri Nokelainen has the highest rate of penalties drawn per minute in the NHL.

- Lucic can see: According to WickedBruinsFan, Lucic had been playing without contacts until the Toronto game on Oct. 23rd. Good god, the man was a beast while playing blind! Since then, he's checked a guy through the glass, scored a hat trick, and conked Luongo. Good god.


Other Previews:
The Jumbotron
Stanley Cup of Chowder
Cornelius Hardenberg and the Hockey Blog Adventure
The Bear Cave