***WARNING***
Nerdiness Levels In This Entry May Be Hazardous To Children And The Elderly.
Do not read if you are pregnant, on medication, or recovering from a WoW addiction.
Galactic Empire = Detroit
A fading empire, ruthless and hopelessly corrupt, concerned only with hoarding power and influence, yet unable to adjust when challenged by smaller, smarter opponents. And that's just GM.Rebel Alliance = Pittsburgh
All great rebellions begin in the hinterlands, in places so desperate that lonesome farmboys turn to religion and violence as a relief from their boredom. Western Pennsylvania sounds about right.
Princess Leia = Stanley Cup
Ooh, purty! Losta guys are gonna fight over this little lady, and more than a few are going to sneak a kiss before it's all over. Careful boys, she's been for a few skates around the rink already...
Luke Skywalker = Sidney Crosby
The Messiah, the Anointed One, the whiny brat who thinks he's a great leader at age 20.
Darth Vader = Henrik Zetterberg
Don't fuck with this guy. He will own you.
Han Solo = Evgeni Malkin
He might not get all the publicity, but he's the guy you really wanted to be when you grew up. At the end of the day, you can thank this cool cat for blasting Vader's ass and gifting the Golden Child his moment of glory.
Admiral Ackbar = Dan Bylsma
We're never offered a good explanation for putting this guy in such a position of authority. His primary role is to stand by the sidelines and figure out a way to beat the trap.
The Emperor = Mike Babcock
Don't bother adjusting your matchups or changing your strategy. He's already foreseen your moves and countered them in advance. Now he's going to make you watch as he destroys your pitiful band of rebels.
Jabba the Hutt = Gary Bettman
C-3P0 = Pierre McGuire
Go away, nobody likes you.
Mike Milbury = Gamorrean Guard
He doesn't let his lack of intelligence or speaking ability get in the way of his duties. Best not to leave him in charge of anything really important, such as guarding a prisoner or running an NHL franchise.
Bib Fortuna = Mike Emrick
Spends most of his time avoiding criticism of the boss-man. Is anyone else distracted by the shape of his head?
Chewbacca = Hal Gill
Raaaawwwrrrrr!!!
Lando Calrissian = Bill Guerin
Bet you forgot this guy was alive, didn't ya? Instead of retiring quietly to obscurity, he's back for one last shot at redemption.Boba Fett = Marian Hossa
The bounty hunter knows no allegiances.
Obi Wan Kenobi = Mario Lemieux
A legend in his own time, he now gazes from above and offers quiet words of wisdom to his protegee'.
R2-D2 = Chris Osgood
Somehow, you have a faint inkling that the story is really not about the Golden Boy at all, but about this little spare part who always seems to show up at the right moment and save the superstars' asses.
Darth Maul = Johan Franzen
As if the Empire needed this guy on top of everything else they've got going for them. It's not even fair.
The NBC broadcast team interviews Gary Bettman.
Porkins = Eric Godard
You knew as soon as you saw this guy that he wouldn't be around for long.
