Hockey Hell Voting: The Defensemen

The Right Wing voting wasn't much of a competition, with Marty McSorley walking to an easy victory with over 82% of the vote. The Hockey Hell series rolls on, with this week posing perhaps the greatest challenge. This week you are to pick two (2) of the four no-goodniks below. It's not as easy of a challenge as it appears -- your choices will probably depend on your definition of "dirty" and whether you happen to be a Flyers or Devils fan.

If you're wondering what this series is all about, click here.

If you're wondering where Ulf Samuelsson is on this list, click here.

Bryan Marchment, 9 teams

- Notorious for taking players out at the knees, especially with knee-to-knee hits against more agile players.

- In his first 12 NHL seasons, he was suspended 13 times.

- A conservative list of stars whose careers were impacted by Marchment's cheapshots would include: Greg Adams, Glenn Anderson, Pavel Bure, Wendel Clark, Kevin Dineen, Mike Gartner, Paul Kariya, Mike Modano, Joe Nieuwendyk, Martin Rucinsky, Doug Weight, and Peter Zezel.

- He had a long-running feud with Mike Gartner, one of the league's classier players, which began in 1985 when he punctured Garnter's lung with a cheap hit.

Among his memorable cheapshots:

- Elbow on Mike Modano.

- Knee-on-knee with Nieuwendyk. (the Stars organization hates Marchment)

- Suspended 3 games for spearing Paul Kariya.

- Suspended 6 games for concussing Carolina's Shane Willis with an elbow.

- Hit Florida's Byron Ritchie from behind, shattering his collarbone and injuring him for an entire season.

- Elbow on Jamal Mayers.

- Boarding on Phillippe Bozon.

- Kneeing Doug Gilmour.

- Spearing Ron Sutter.

- Part of an epic brawl against Wendel Clark as detailed by Down Goes Brown.

- Even Pavel Bure hates him.

- In addition to being a cheapshot artist of the first class, he also agitated retaliation penalties.

- Proved too much of a headcase for Mike Keenan.

- Called Donald Brashear a "big monkey", then threatened to sue the league if it didn't establish clearer guidelines on racist speech, forcing the NHL to hire a full-time "sensitivity trainer".

- Like Chris Pronger below, Marchment never really acknowledged the severity of his actions. Instead he chose to blame the rest of the league for "unfairly" judging him, and frequently blamed his penchant for knee-to-knee hits on "instinct" instead of conscious choice.

- Ironically, he retired after blowing out his knee in a collision with Toronto's Jason Allison.

Chris Pronger, Whalers/Blues/Oilers/Ducks/Flyers

- As a rookie, Pronger was involved in a barroom brawl and was arrested for drunk driving.

- Early in his career, he was lambasted for immaturity and a lack of focus in the playoffs.

- It would be impossible in this format to catalogue his thousands of high hits, elbows, and other cheapshots. Youtube just doesn't have that kind of bandwidth.

- Demanded a trade out of Edmonton; it was later revealed that his wife, Lauren, didn't like the city. His trade to Anaheim conjured painful memories of the Gretzky trade, leaving an entire fanbase insulted and bitter.

- Was suspended in both the Conference Final and the Stanley Cup Final in 2007, for elbowing Tomas Holmstrom and Dean McAmmond, respectively.

- This clip speaks for itself.

- Most notorious moment: his skate-stomp on Ryan Kesler, which drew an 8-game suspension.

- Laid a vicious and unnecessary elbow on budding Devils star Zach Parise.

- Another elbow away from the play, this one on budding Red Wings star Pavel Datsyuk. See the pattern?

- Rather than take responsibility for his obvious lack of respect for other players' safety, Pronger has consistently argued that he is simply too tall to play a clean game. Of course, this has never been a problem for tall guys like Larry Robinson and Zdeno Chara, lending Pronger an additional reputation as an excuse-maker.

- Bleacherreport.com lists Pronger as the third-most hated player in the league (behind Avery and Crosby), calling him "quite easily the dirtiest player in the entire league".

- SI ranks him as the #1 dirtiest player in the league today.

- For the love of god, he just signed with the Flyers.

Scott Stevens, Devils/Blues/Captials

- His nickname, "Mr. Devil", says it all.

- As a rookie he was suspended for "biting and scratching" during a fight.

- At about the same time, he was named in a rape scandal which also involved Dino Ciccarelli.

- Suspended for his prominent role in the St. Patrick's Day Massacre brawl -- in which he fought none other than Dave Manson. No eye-gouging this time.

- Stevens' early career was defined by his knack for disrupting an entire franchise. His bloated contract with St. Louis, which cost them five first-round picks as compensation to Washington, contributed to the inflation of salaries leaguewide.

- When the Blues also poached Brendan Shanahan, they were forced by arbitration to send Stevens to New Jersey. Stevens refused to report, and the Devils locker room nearly fell apart in the ensuing power struggle. Three years later, he signed another enormous offer sheet with St. Louis, and was at the center of a tampering scandal which cost them $1.5 million and two first-round picks... and the Devils kept Stevens anyway.

- Stevens' bloated contract sheets with St. Louis were a factor in the labor issues which led to the 1995 lockout. Ironically, his Devils team took advantage of the shortened season to win a Stanley Cup.

- In that year's Finals, Stevens made his mark as a nightmarish open-ice hitter with a devastating, concussion-inducing run on Slava Kozlov.

- In the 2000 playoffs, he re-established the Devils' physical reputation by concussing Philadelphia's Daymond Langkow.

- Five games later, he sent Eric Lindros' career into a death-spiral with yet another open-ice hit to the head. It occurred on practically the same patch of ice as the Langkow hit.

- With less than 20 seconds left in a playoff game, Stevens crossed the ice to TKO Carolina's Shane Willis, leading to accusations that he was intentionally running players in order to injure them.

- In the very next game, Stevens pulverized Hall of Famer Ron Francis, leaving his victim to crawl noodle-legged back to the bench.

- Perhaps his most frightening hit was on Paul Kariya in the 2003 Finals. Once again, Stevens waited until a star player's attention was diverted at the blue line, and launched a headshot that knocked Kariya out cold.

- In 2001, The Sporting News ranked him the fifth-most feared player in NHL history.

Gary Suter, Flames/Blackhawks/Sharks

- Suter barely even qualified to play in the NHL, having been passed over in two drafts and then finally selected in the 9th round in 1984. At the time, he was lugging cases of beer for a living.

- Modeled himself after Chris Chelios, which says quite a lot about his aspirations.

- Was the league's most notorious "headhunter" for most of his career, establishing a reputation specifically for crosschecking opponents in the head.

- The most egregious example of this was his sickening crosscheck on Paul Kariya in 1998. This kept Kariya out of that year's Olympics and, some say, signalled the end of his time as a superstar.

- Just in case you thought the Kariya incident was isolated, here he is crosschecking Adam Deadmarsh in the head. Deadmarsh retired due to recurrent concussions.

- In the 1987 Canada Cup, he laid a vicious two-handed chop to the face of Andrei Lomakin.

- Hit Wayne Gretzky from behind during the Canada Cup championship in 1991, sidelining the Great One for the rest of the tournament. The ensuing back spasms eventually led to the decline and end of Gretzky's career.

- Later in the tournament, he committed the key turnover to end a USA rally against Canada and caused the Americans to be eliminated.

- He was responsible for the ACL injury which altered Pavel Bure's career and slowed down one of the NHL's most entertaining players.

- His general lack of respect for other players was evident even in situations in which he got off scot-free.

- At least one site calls him "the dirtiest player to play for Calgary, one of the dirtiest players ever to play in the NHL, and quite possibly the dirtiest player to ever lace the skates up for Team USA."

Hockey Hell Voting: The RWs

Congrats (?) to Jarkko Ruutu, who won the LW voting in a landslide due to some collaborative effort by Leafs Nation. We move on to the Right Wing position, where things aren't going to get any easier. If you're not familiar with the Hockey Hell series, click here for an explanation.

Matthew Barnaby (7 teams)

Nickname = "Barney". Ugh.

Perhaps the most annoying trash-talker in league history. Notorious for provoking fights and refusing to drop the gloves, in order to draw a power play.

Played with total lack of respect for any opponent.

Ambushed Flyers goalie Garth Snow after faking an injury.

Promised to cheapshot Dominik Hasek during training camp, as retaliation for Hasek's feud with former coach Ted Nolan.

Called Lyle Odelein "Cornelius" in the press, insinuating that Odelein looks like an ape.

Demanded a trade out of Buffalo, then changed his mind, then changed his mind again and was finally traded.

Set off a mini-controversy after making "obscene gestures" to the crowd in Philly.

Scuffled with Islanders defenseman Eric Cairns in an off-ice corridor, earning a suspension.

During that incident, called a nearby TV cameraman a "Puerto Rican bitch".

Engaged in a bizarre series of semi-serious off-ice fights with teammate Rob Ray.

Became an ESPN analyst, following in the footsteps of widely-respected NHL figures such as Mike Milbury and Barry Melrose.

Jesse Boulerice Flyers/Hurricanes/Blues/Oilers

He was drafted by the Flyers, of course.

His NHL career was relatively brief, at only 172 games, due to his lack of genuine skill and talent. His career high in scoring was 6 goals in a full season with Carolina.

Charged with assault in juniors for clubbing Andrew Long in the head.

TKO'ed by Aaron Downey in perhaps the most-viewed hockey clip ever.

Received the second-longest suspension in history (see below) for cross-checking Ryan Kesler in the face.

Was waived twice in two weeks.

Marty McSorley (6 teams)

Appeared in the movie Forget Paris and the TV show CSI: Miami. That's two strikes.

Was a pure goon, never breaking 15 goals despite playing with the high-flying Oilers and Gretzky-era Kings.

Made his reputation as "Wayne Gretzky's bodyguard" in Edmonton and Los Angeles. This ushered in an era of goon specialists, which eventually led to the instigator penalty.

His two-handed chop to Donald Brashear's head remains one of the worst stick fouls in the history of the sport. His one-year suspension was the longest ever.

In the fallout of the Brashear incident, McSorley became one of the few professional athletes to be charged with an on-field crime. He served 18 months probation for assault with a weapon.

His entry into European hockey, after being blackballed from the NHL, was blocked by the IIHF (which is not known for heavy-handedness in such matters).

With the most boneheaded illegal-stick penalty in history, he destroyed the Kings' only shot at a Stanley Cup to date.

Was "mysteriously" fired without explanation from the Sharks broadcast team, in the middle of a playoff series.

Prototypical "hockey hair".

Received a 10-game suspension in the AHL for a stick attack on Joel Baillargeon. The Oilers called him up immediately and he never served a single game.

Suspended 3 games for spearing Calgary's Mike Bullard late in a playoff game.

Suspended 6 days for crosschecking Boston's Darren Banks in the forehead during a timeout.

Suspended four games for eye-gouging Bob Errey.

Hockey Hell Voting: The Left Wings

Congrats are in order to Bobby Clarke, who won a landslide election into Hockey Hell this week. Dale Hunter put up a respectable showing in second place, and Ken Linseman finished a distant third. With that, we move on to the Left Wing position, and the four candidates listed below.

Be sure to take a good look at each candidate as this is an especially competitve category. If nothing else, click the hyperlinks which almost all point toward a Youtube vid or archived news article worth seeing. Click here for an explanation of the Hockey Hell series. Voting for the LW position ends next Friday!

Tie Domi, Toronto Maple Leafs/New York Rangers

- An impressive set of records: Third-highest PIM total in league history... Leads the Maple Leafs in career PIMs... Broke Tiger Williams' record for most PIMs in a season by a Leaf.

- Once arrived to the rink halfway through a game, having stayed at his hotel to voice his displeasure at being benched.

- Sucker-punched Ulf Samuelsson. (This might actually count as a positive.)

- The infamous fan-in-the-box fight.

- Egregiously cheapshotted Scott Niedermayer, knocking him out cold with an elbow to the head during the '01 playoffs. Instead of apologizing, he sought sympathy in a blubbering press conference.

- Played two exhibition games as a placekicker for the Toronto Argonauts in the CFL -- the lamest imaginable sport-to-sport crossover.

- Has a brother named Dash, who was once involved in some seedy government dealings. Tie and Dash Domi... really. What is this, an episode of Pokemon?

- Suspended for 6 games for an AHL pregame fight.

- Was involved in this ugly incident in 1999, a rare but shameful example of Domi letting his teammates fight his battles.

- Inconceivably, he racked up 42 PIM while dressing in only two games in 1989.

- In 1997-98, he scored only 4 goals while racking up a breathtaking 365 PIM. He scored roughly one goal for every 7 fights.

- Dragged his wife and three children through a nasty public divorce after being caught in an affair with MP Belinda Stronach. His estranged wife stated that his influence over the children has been "disasterous".

- Threatened with banishment from his 11-year-old son's hockey league after verbally abusing the coach. The situation escalated to the point that Domi threatened to sue the coach in retaliation.

Jarkko Ruutu, Vancouver Canucks/Pittsburgh Penguins/Ottawa Senators

- Bit Andrew Peters on the thumb during a fight, then denied it, then claimed that it was Peters' fault for sticking his fingers in Ruutu's mouth.

- Was on the receiving end of Chris Simon's notorious skate-stomp. And he probably deserved it.

- Finished 3rd in an SI poll to determine the league's dirtiest players -- only a point behind Chris Pronger and Steve Ott.

- A notorious diver, who usually agitates another player and then hits the deck on first contact

- Despite a memorable performance on the scoresheet, his diving during the IIHF championships was the subject of international mockery.

- Hey look, another video of him diving!

- Also a notorious chatterbox, in the mold of fellow Finn Esa Tikkanen.

- Another speciality -- injuring star players with dirty hits along the boards.

- Has committed as many ridiculous acts of violence in international competition as he has in the NHL.

- Picks his spots when fighting. For example, he jumped an injured Milan Lucic at the end of a long shift, and got a set of bruised ribs for his trouble.

- Was responsible for one of the funniest hockey clips ever.

Dave Schultz, Philadelphia Flyers/Los Angeles Kings/Pittsburgh Penguins/Buffalo Sabres

- Nicknamed "The Hammer".

- Was the most violent member of the Broad Street Bullies teams in Philadelphia, pairing with Bobby Clarke and Dave Williams to round out the dirtiest lineup of all time.

- Enabled Clarke's cheapshottery by providing cover for him when enforcers came calling. Common wisdom has it that Clarke was only able to survive his playing career because of Schultz's presence during line brawls.

- Brought a back-alley style of fighting to the ice. Schultz frequently pulled hair, gouged eyes, bit, scratched and otherwise maimed opponents.

- Nearly broke the unthinkable 500-PIM barrier, setting a league record with 472 in 1974-75.

- Originated the "Schultz Rule", which bans boxing wraps on the wrists of players who fight.

- Nearly sparked a melee at Nassau Coliseum in 1974, headbutting the Islanders' Gary Howatt along the glass and then reaching over to provoke an unruly NY crowd.

- In Game 7 of the 1974 semi-finals, Schultz jumped Rangers defenseman Dale Rolfe and pounded him mercilessly, pulling his hair and punching him repeatedly with little opposition. Rolfe registered all of 56 PIM that season, to Schultz's 348. The Flyers won the game and the series.

- In 1975, he recorded the song "Penalty Box".

- Despite a solitary 20-goal season, Schultz brought little hockey skill to the table. He bounced around the league as a role player in the late 70s and early 80s, never playing two full seasons for the same team. He washed out of the league in 1980, ignominiously retiring in the AHL.

- Bit Leafs enforcer Kurt Walker on the nose.

- Sucker-punched Vancouver rookie John Vanboxmer, knocking him out cold...

- ... and then signed photos of the incident...

- ... even though he was schooled by Hall of Famer Larry Robinson only moments later.

- On his own website, the only clips from his playing days are of brutal fights including the Rolfe mugging.

- Stars in one of the league's most notoriously violent photographs.

Darcy Tucker, Montreal Canadiens/Tampa Bay Lightning/Toronto Maple Leafs/Colorado Avalanche

- Toronto media nickname = Sideshow Bob

- A notorious diver and whiner.

- Took out Michael Peca's knees.

- Took out Nick Schultz's knees.

- Took out Jochen Hecht's knees. Are you sensing a pattern?

- Who could forget his kamizake attack on the Senators' bench?

- Brother-in-law to Shayne Corson, who is no stranger to the suspension list.

- Pounded by Jarkko Ruutu in one of the all-time great d-bag showdowns.

- Mugged, and then mocked, Patrick Eaves who had never dropped the gloves before... after the latter laid him out on a clean check.

- No. 7 on bleacherreport.com's list of all-time NHL villains, ahead of Todd Bertuzzi and Bobby Clarke.

- Got laid out by Alex Kovalev, of all people.

- Got roughed up by Mr. McGoo.

- Frequently refuses to answer the bell when challenged to a fight. Never was this more evident than when he repeatedly dodged Chris Neil of the Sens.

- He was both a Hab and a Leaf.

Hockey Hell voting: The Centers

Ok folks, time to get this thing started. This week we will take a look at 3 of the most unholy men ever to patrol NHL ice at the center position. Take a few moments to read over their list of qualifications, and cast your vote in the poll to the right. Voting will be open until next Friday.

If you're wondering what this is about, go to this post for an explanation of the rules.

"If you can't be good, at least be good at being bad."

Bobby Clarke, Philadelphia Flyers



Accomplishments:

- Was the captain and embodiment of the Broad Street Bullies mystique, leading a parade of brawlers which set the NHL's image back 50 years.

- Most famous play: sparking an international incident with a shameful slash to the ankle of Russian star Valeri Kharlamov in the '72 Summit Series.

- Only days later, butt-ended Czechoslovak captain Frantisek Pospisil in what the New York Times called "what might be the dirtiest play ever captured on film".

- In an NHL-USSR exhibition in 1976, Clarke contributed to an embarrassing display of goonery that led to the Soviet team abandoning the ice in protest.

- Canadian hockey hero (and Summit Series teammate) Paul Henderson once said to a reporter that dirty play was Clarke's "trademark".

- Fourth all-time in PIM for the Flyers, which is saying something.

- Once described his Flyers as "20 guys without brains".

- One of the longest-tenured GMs not to win a Cup -- only Bob Pulford has a worse record.

- Made perhaps the most damaging trade in NHL history, acquiring Eric Lindros in exchange for numerous players who would become the centerpiece of two Cup runs in Colorado. What's more, the arbitrator who awarded Lindros to the Flyers was the granduncle of none other than Todd Bertuzzi. Birds of a feather...

- Defended a medical staff that advised Lindros to board a plane instead of receiving treatment for a collapsed lung. If Clarke had had his way, Lindros probably would have died.

- Generally credited with causing Lindros to devolve from "The Next One" into a fuzzy-brained fourth liner.

- As GM of the '98 Olympic team, he tapped utility winger Rob Zamuner but passed on national legend Mark Messier.

- In that same year, he passed over veterans such as Gretzky, Yzerman and Bourque for the captain's "C"... instead giving the honor to his pet project with the Flyers, young Eric Lindros.

- Replaced Roger Nielson as coach... while Nielson was on a leave of absence for cancer treatments. Was quoted as saying, "We didn't tell him to go get cancer... he went goofy on us."

- Burned through 6 coaches in 5 seasons, blaming each for the Flyers' playoff failures.

- Gave Derian Hatcher a job, even after the rest of the NHL had wised up.

- Rated by Askmen.com as the 4th worst GM of all time... in any sport.

- Recently called the renaissance of hockey in Pittsburgh, Washington and Chicago "embarrassing" for the league.

Dale Hunter, Washington Capitals/Quebec Nordiques

Accomplishments:

- Nickname: "La Petite Peste".

- Holds the league record for playoff PIM, and is second in regular season history. Taking both numbers together, he finished a mere 127 PIM behind Tiger Williams for the all-time title.

- Holds the franchise PIM record in both Washington and Colorado.

- Holds the record for playoff games without winning a Cup.

- But his most famous record of all: After committing one of the most egregious cheapshots in league history, Hunter received a precedent-setting 21-game ban from newly-minted commissioner Gary Bettman. The replay is still a Youtube favorite for all the wrong reasons.

- Known around the league as a butcher with his stick.

- Played a key role in the infamous Good Friday Brawl between Montreal and Quebec. Near the 7:00 mark of the video, you can see him pounding on his own brother.

- Then there's this.

- To acquire Sakic from Quebec, Washington traded away the draft pick that would become Joe Sakic.

- Of all career 1000-point scorers, Hunter took the longest to accomplish the feat.

- When the Caps retired his number in 2000, they presented him with a symbol of his accomplishments -- a penalty box from the old Capital Center.

- As a coach, Hunter was fined or suspended by the CHL a total of 4 times during a single span of 12 months.

- During that period, he was also arrested for DUI. The charges were dismissed on a technicality.



Ken Linseman, Bruins/Flyers/Oilers/Leafs


Accomplishments:

- One of the great nicknames in hockey: "The Rat". Bobby Clarke coined it.

- Wore #13.

- Played for both the Flyers AND the Bruins.

- Probably the first "super pest" to be recognized as such.

- Charged and convicted of assault for kicking a player in the forehead with his skate during junior-league play.

- Later, he was fined $200 for attempting to kick Montreal's Robert Picard during a scuffle. Yes, that's two kicking incidents in the same career. Eat your heart out, Chris Simon!

- Before going pro, he engaged in a high-stakes legal squabble with the WHA. The battle ended when his family filed a restraining order against the league, allowing him to play. This was the grounds for the WHA's raiding of under-20 players such as Gretzky, Messier and Gartner, an unprecedented blow to the NHL's talent pool.

- Called the Lady Byng trophy an "embarrassment".

- Particularly well known for running his mouth nonstop at opponents, but only occasionally dropping the gloves to back it up.

- Traded twice in one day.

- Fought Dean Kennedy under the stands at the Edmonton Coliseum. Kennedy required stitches because Linseman used his stick during the fight, and slammed Kennedy's head onto the concrete floor.

- Bit the the Oilers' Lee Fogolin in the face. Fogolin required a tetanus shot.

- No need to go into detail about what happened here.

- Yet another player known for his liberal use of the stick.


- Scored 3 series-clinching goals in 1984 alone, including the Cup-winner, making him the Claude Lemieux of his time.

The NHL Needs Disciplinary Reform

Ok, this is really getting old.



Hmmm... something seems familiar about this scene. It could easily be confused with this one:



Or this one: (at 2:50)




Or this one:



Or this one: (at 0:53)



Just for kicks, let's compare the severity of the injuries above to the level of punishment received by the offender.

Kostopoulos on Van Ryn
Injury: Concussion, broken nose, broken hand; will miss at least a month.
Punishment: 3 games

Jones on Bergeron
Injury: Grade III concussion, broken nose; missed 72 games
Punishment: 2 games

Hollweg on Kostitsyn
Injury: None
Punishment: 1 game

Hollweg on Pietrangelo
Injury: None
Punishment: 3 games

Lemieux on Draper
Injury: Concussion, broken jaw, cheekbone, and orbital bone; reconstructive surgery over the summer.
Punishment: 2 games, $1,000 fine

Bottom line: In the NHL, you can check a player face-first into the boards and expect a 1-3 game suspension -- regardless of circumstance, resulting injury, time of year, time of game, personal reputation or the logo on your jersey.

Protecting Our Players

One to three games. That's all you get for jeapordizing the life and livelihood of other players. Let's compare that to the standard for other major violations:

Assault with Stick -- 25 games (Simon), 25 games (Boulerice), 23 games (McSorely)

Kicking -- 30 games (Simon), 8 games (Pronger)
Abuse of official -- 13 games (Roy), 23 games (Dwyer), 20 games (Lysiak)
Sucker Punch -- 12 games (Johnson), 20 games (Bertuzzi), 21 games (Hunter), 8 games (Domi)

Compare to Boarding – 2 games (Lemieux), 3 games (Hollweg), 1 game (Hollweg), 3 games (Kostopoulos)

The rationale behind the NHL’s suspension policy

Clearly, even the most egregious incidents of boarding – regardless of circumstance – are considered less serious by the league than even the most mild kicking incident. Chris Pronger received 4 times as severe a penalty for a questionable kick than Claude Lemieux received for a very intentional boarding foul.

The rationale for these standards should be familiar to anyone who has followed hockey in the Bettman Era – it’s all a matter of premeditation. The ruling philosophy is that violations which arise from a split-second decision (such as boarding) are naturally less serious than those which require some forethought (such as sucker-punching Ulf Samuelsson).

A second principle at work is that violations arising from in-game play (a crosscheck from behind while battling in the corners) are more serious than those which occur outside the normal scope of the game (a crosscheck to the face 10 seconds after the whistle).

Taking these two principles together, the league concludes that it is both more important and more practical to levy serious suspensions toward premeditated, non-hockey-related suspensions than to police grey-area matters such as boarding. And that is where the NHL loses its credibility.

Is it possible to affect a player’s split-second decisions?

Professional hockey players are quite possibly the most skilled athletes in the world. Despite its frantic appearance, very little of what happens in an NHL game is random or uncontrollable. Players routinely anticipate a bodycheck fractions of a second in advance -- so far ahead of the event that they are able to control the timing and direction of the impact. Asking them to change their thinking in split-second situations is not only practical, it has been done several times in the past decade.

The crease rule… the obstruction crackdown… the goalie trapezoid… in every case, the NHL has identified a significant problem in the game and mandated that players change their quick-decision mentality. In 1999 it was typical for a power forward to time his approach to the net so that his toes entered the goal crease a split-second after the puck – because his job depended on it (this is less of an issue under current rules). In 2006, players had to learn that they could not reach out and grab another player to slow his progress – and if they planned to stay in the league, they adjusted. Today we routinely see goalies reflexively avoiding the puck if it’s bouncing near the edge of the trapezoid – because it’s part of their job to do so. They’re professional athletes. They can handle it.

The best goalies, the ones who thrive at the highest level of play, have become expert at waiting until the puck was just at the line before touching it. The worst, those who don’t belong in the league, will simply avoid it altogether – and eventually be replaced by someone more skilled.

The same part of the human brain that controls these reflexive actions is also in control of the decision whether to check from behind. If a player can slow his glide to the net in order to arrive at the crease three-tenths of a second behind the puck, then he has the ability to pull up on a hit from behind, rather than following through with a forearm to the back of the head.

Is it possible to affect management behavior?

In the 1992 season, the last before Gary Bettman and the instigator rule combined to eliminate the “goon” from the NHL, there were 8 players who broke the 300-PIM barrier. Those 8 players combined for 40 goals (an average of only 5 per goon), a sure sign that they were contributing little more than pure violence to the league.

In the past 5 seasons combined, only one player has broken 300 PIM – Daniel Carcillo finished last season an astonishing 98 PIM ahead of runner-up Jared Boll. Carcillo scored 13 goals, nearly triple the rate that one would have expected from a goon 15 years ago. Regardless of how we might perceive the instigator penalty, it had one clear and unquestionable effect: it made the traditional goon obsolete, and replaced him with a less violent, more skilled enforcer in the mold of Georges Laraque.

But that revolutionary change in the game involved more than just players and referees; general managers were the true agents of change. Some chose to retain goons, mostly for sentimental reasons (Rob Ray managed to hang on in Buffalo for a whole decade of the Bettman Era). But the majority of GMs quickly figured out that high-PIM/low-scoring players were a drag on the team, and within 5 years only a handful of old-school goons could find work in the NHL.

We’re seeing a similar, more subtle filtering of talent today as the new obstruction rules have become a fixture. Hulking blueliners like Derian Hatcher and Dan McGillis, who thrived in a clutch-and-grab environment, are being replaced with smaller, more versatile defensemen. Ultimately it’s the coaches and GMs, not referees or league officials, who make the decision to change the way the game is played… because it’s the coaches and GMs who award roster spots.

So any solution to the cheap-shot problem must take into account that it’s managers who institute real change … not players, not referees. Currently, the league’s disciplinary policy punishes GMs with minor headaches when a player is suspended for dangerous play – a small fine, a player unavailable for most of a week, perhaps an embarrassed press conference. There is a fundamental need for suspensions to strongly affect a GM by significantly damaging his team’s chance at success during the duration of the penalty.

Finding the right formula for change

So, here is what I recommend:

1) Starting immediately, the NHL should establish a system of automatic, progressive suspensions for major penalties. This should apply specifically to boarding, elbowing and charging penalties – those most likely to cause life-threatening injury. In order to provide a “benefit of the doubt” for irregular offenders, the first offense should carry only a one-game suspension. For each subsequent violation, there should be a five-game, ten-game, fifteen-game, thirty-game, and finally a one-season penalty.
2) In order to deter GMs from signing players with a proclivity toward cheapshots, the suspended player should count toward the roster total during the duration of the suspension as long as he is listed as an active player. GMs can avoid this penalty by assigning the player to the minors or putting him on IR, but during that time he is considered inactive and the countdown stops. If it’s not worth the roster penalty to get a player back in the lineup promptly, that player is obsolete and could always find work in Europe. The balance of the suspension would expire one calendar year from the date of the offense, to appease the NHLPA and provide some opportunity for reform.
3) The commissioner’s office must retain strong oversight over the process and have an active role in deciding when to alter the automatic penalties according to circumstance. Clearly, a serious incident would require more than a one-game suspension even if it was a first offense. The automatic-penalty system should not be a means for the league to wash its hands of responsibility.

This system would guarantee that boarding, and the players who make a habit of it, would become obsolete within a single season. It would ensure that ticketholders would get their money’s worth by keeping skilled players healthy and eliminating talentless thugs. It would increase the sense of accountability among GMs and coaches, and eventually lead to a culture of self-policing. And to a certain extent it would further open up the game along the boards by allowing puck carriers an extra split-second to operate in a vulnerable position before being checked.

Case Studies

Let’s say, hypothetically, that this system had been in place for Chris Pronger’s entire career. For the sake of argument, I’ll pretend that it applies to stick fouls as well as boarding and charging penalties. Take a look at the difference it would have made:

10/29/95
Incident: Slashes Pat Peake in the throat.
Actual Penalty: Four games
Hypothetical Penalty: One game, with possible supplement

12/17/98
Incident: Slashes Jeremy Roenick on the helmet
Actual Penalty: Four games
Hypothetical Penalty: Five games

4/3/02
Incident: Cross-checks Brenden Morrow
Actual Penalty: Two games
Hypothetical Penalty: Ten games. At this point one would expect him to stop.

5/15/07
Incident: Boarding/elbowing on Tomas Holmstrom
Actual Penalty: One playoff game
Hypothetical Penalty: 15 games… but even Pronger’s not dumb enough to do this knowing he would receive a 15-game suspension during the playoffs.

6/2/07
Incident: Elbow to the head of Dean McAmmond
Actual Penalty: One Finals game
Hypothetical Penalty: He’d still be suspended from the previous incident.

3/12/08
Incident: Skate stomp on Ryan Kesler
Actual Penalty: Eight games
Hypothetical Penalty: Considering he was suspended almost the entire playoffs, one would hope he wouldn’t be this stupid. See what I’m getting at?

For what it’s worth, under this system Ryan Hollweg would still have 4 games left to serve on his 10-game suspension from the October 13th incident… if the Leafs bothered to keep him on the roster, that is. As it stands he’s played six games since then, logging all of one assist and a -3.

Meanwhile, Mike Van Ryn has six weeks to go on IR.

Top 10 Adams Division Tough Guys

A tip of the lid to Down Goes Brown for an educational rundown of the Top 10 Norris Division Tough Guys.

Never missing an opportunity to steal someone else's idea, here's my list of top Adams Division pugilists.

A little background: The Adams Division existed from 1974-93, with a variety of lineups influenced by relocations, realignments and expansion. At various times it included the Leafs, North Stars and Senators, but for the purposes of this list I'm going with the post-1981 lineup of Boston, Buffalo, Hartford, Montreal and Quebec. Each team is represented with at least one guy on the list, though the Whalers and Nords made it a little tough. For some reason that is lost on me, the Adams got rid of most of its goons during the mid-to-late '80s, so a lot of the guys on this list toiled in relative obscurity while Probert and Clark and Grimson were getting all the



Dale Hunter - Probably one of the most hated players of all time, but undeniably a tough bastard to play against. Like Stan Jonathan he was one of those scrappy little guys who would drop 'em with anyone. He fought Ulf Samuelsson 7 times, which is a small bit of redemption for his transgressions.

His years as a Cap make it easy to forget that Hunter played 7 years in Quebec, and had a key role in the "Good Friday Brawl" in the '84 Adams Division Finals.





Lyndon Byers - Byers' contribution to the Bruins juggernaut of the late '80s was pretty straightforward... patrol around and make sure nobody messes with Bourque or Janney (Cam Neely didn't need that kind of protection). He was never really in the upper rung of elite heavyweights, but he knew his role and was always on call.

Here's a vid of LB in a vicious bout with the Sabres' Clark Gillies:




Jim McKenzie - "Underrated" seems to be the word most often used to describe McKenzie. A clean, toe-to-toe type of brawler who was really the only tough Whaler other than Verbeek.

Anyone who can stand in against the Twister is a badass in my book:




Larry Playfair - Brad May and Rob Ray did so much to define the concept of "Sabres enforcer" that Playfair is almost forgotten. But this was an old-school, bruiser of a man who would've been right at home in Slap Shot.

Here are fights 2 and 3 of his feud with Chris Nilan:



Jay Miller - Miller was a classic "goon", peaking at 20 points but reliably racking up 250-300 PIMs per season. One of the best southpaws of his time, Miller held long-running feuds with heavyweights like Nilan, Kordic and Kocur.

Here he is against Nilan... a real Adams Division heavyweight matchup:



Brad May - May was actually a somewhat useful player, coming close to scoring 20 goals a couple of times. But his role as an enforcer, especially during the time when he and Ray were both racking up 300+ PIM on the same team, overshadows his other contributions. I don't know if any other team has ever had two players with 300 PIM, but I doubt it.

May takes on Shayne Corson in this vid:




Stan Jonathan - Like a bulldog, Jonathan was pound-for-pound the meanest breed of fighter. Considered a lightweight, he stood a mere 5'8" and rarely fought an opponent at an advantage. Though he never racked up huge PIM numbers, he held his ground as one of the top pugilists of his era. He was also a pretty solid hockey player, scoring 27 goals one year.

Here's Jonathan's infamous beatdown/forced-retirement number on Pierre Bouchard. One of the most vicious fights of all time:




John Kordic - It's easy to forget that Kordic was only 27 when he died of cocaine overdose. By that time he had already established himself as a premier tough guy for the Habs. In particular he tortured Basil McRae with numerous beatdowns, going undefeated in 10 fights. He also fought Jay Miller 12 times, which again is even more remarkable when you consider that 11 of those bouts occurred in a span of two and a half years.

His nickname was "Rambo". Wicked.

Kordic vs. Miller, 1-4:



Rob Ray - God I used to hate this guy. Any time the league makes a rule specifically aimed at your shenanigans, you've moved into Sean Avery territory. In Ray's case, it was the fact that he would do a striptease before every fight, which of course made every bout ridiculously one-sided until they started requiring tiedowns. But you can't deny that Ray was one of the truly elite goons of the 1990s. There was a period when he was probably the best fighter in the league.

A great matchup between Ray and Tie Domi:



Chris Nilan - "Knuckles" was the premier fighter in the Adams Division, period. He racked up an astounding 300 career fights, taking on everyone from Paul Coffey to Bob Probert. To date, he still has the highest PIM average of any player, ever. He was penalized 10 times in one game. They had to change the rules when he got selected for the All-Star Team. He beat down Torrie Robertson 10 times.

I could go on all night. This guy was nails.

Here's Nilan taking on Stan Jonathan, two mean SOB's representing bitter rivals in a nice scrap:





Let me know if you'd have done it different...